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OT AGAIN - SORRY - Cheerleading

jtrranchesjtrranches Member Posts: 2,631
edited April 2010 in Off Topic
OK, here is a copy of the letter that I want to send out to all that my daughter/us would like to ask for sponsorship money. Please tell me what you all think. If it needs to be changed just tell me I am thick skined and don't mind.

Terina

Raquel Reynolds
67890 Box ABC
ABC, CA XXXXX

May 1, 2010

ABCD
12345 Road XYZ
XYZ, CA XXXXX

ABCD,

Please, let me take a minute to introduce myself. My name is Raquel Reynolds and I am 14 years old. I will be a freshman at Exeter Union High School (EUHS) during the 2010-2011 school year. You may know my parents, Jim & Terina Reynolds, more than me and for that I am grateful.

I had the privilege of being among 53 girls to try out for the 2010-2011 cheerleading squad (only 34 will be members of the Varsity or JV squads). Through my hard work of not only learning the cheers and dance but also my essay answers, grades, school attendance and teacher recommendations, I made the squad. I am on the JV squad and will be cheering the football and basketball teams on to victory. Part of the GRADE I will receive, yes we are graded, is my ability to help raise funds for myself and the whole squad. You are receiving this letter in hopes that you will be ever so generous and sponsor me in my effort to sponsor my school. Any and all donations will be accepted, however; if you are unable to donate, the squad and I do understand. If you donate $50 or more then your name or business name will be included on the back of a t-shirt that we will be wearing during certain functions. Those functions may include fund raisers, performances or other various activities. Just so you know where your money will be spent, here is a short list.

1. Uniforms
2. Camp
3. Transportation (No funding is allowed for cheerleading through the school)

I have included a form that my squad leader gave me. It has the non-profit tax ID # in order for you to claim your donation on your next tax return. If you are able to, please fill out the form and return to me at the above address by July 31, 2010 in order to get your name on the “Sponsorship T-Shirt”.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Raquel Reynolds
Terina Reynolds Always remember, "It's a good life if you don't weaken!" imageSeptember 11th, 2001 Anniversary Countdown Banner

Comments

  • iggyloveriggylover Moderator Posts: 11,513
    No need to apologize Terina...

    I think it's pretty nice you're asing for our opinions / feedback here... we really are an extended family. :-)

    On a first read-through I don't see any glaring problems, but I'm not entirely sure it read as smoothly as it could...but I'm too tired to say exactly where things could be phrased SLIGHTLY better...lol

    I'll check this one again tomorrow. ;D

    Jeanette
    "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke Jeanette in Orange County, CA Love my Italian Greyhound --> I.G.--> iggy Own a Create: Krikee, getting used to a Black Cat Cougar: Bagheera
  • jtrranchesjtrranches Member Posts: 2,631
    Me too Jeanette. My kitchen is clean, 1 load (not the 2 I need) of laundry and the letter somewhat complete.

    You all are more family then the family I really have.

    To all, I thank you for reading and appreciate any and all comments.

    Terina
    Terina Reynolds Always remember, "It's a good life if you don't weaken!" imageSeptember 11th, 2001 Anniversary Countdown Banner
  • iggyloveriggylover Moderator Posts: 11,513
    Good job on getting the household things (mostly) caught up!

    You're going to make the rest of us look bad... lol
    "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke Jeanette in Orange County, CA Love my Italian Greyhound --> I.G.--> iggy Own a Create: Krikee, getting used to a Black Cat Cougar: Bagheera
  • jtrranchesjtrranches Member Posts: 2,631
    Want a picture of the laundry room??????????

    It is horrible.

    The dishes took me 3 days to get caught up. Man I can't wait until the darling son (John proof...not DS) gets his actual license. That will be a help on the running around.

    Terina
    Terina Reynolds Always remember, "It's a good life if you don't weaken!" imageSeptember 11th, 2001 Anniversary Countdown Banner
  • iggyloveriggylover Moderator Posts: 11,513
    Oh, you're so good to WANT that... my daughter has her brand-new permit, but can't even start to drive till the first two-hour behind-the-wheel instruction with the teacher (good old California laws)... I'm scared-to-death of helping to teach her...
    "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke Jeanette in Orange County, CA Love my Italian Greyhound --> I.G.--> iggy Own a Create: Krikee, getting used to a Black Cat Cougar: Bagheera
  • iggyloveriggylover Moderator Posts: 11,513
    Good night, Terina...

    I'd best at least TRY to fall asleep, I feel myself getting mighty slap-happy... and THAT can be a dangerous thing... bwa ha haaa ;D
    "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke Jeanette in Orange County, CA Love my Italian Greyhound --> I.G.--> iggy Own a Create: Krikee, getting used to a Black Cat Cougar: Bagheera
  • jtrranchesjtrranches Member Posts: 2,631
    Not sure that I really want it but have to deal with it. Then have the whole no one in the car for a year thing. UMMMMMMM HELLLLLOO

    Refresh my memory, where in CA are you??? We are passed the wait until you have had your first lesson thingy. He is waiting for his 3rd.

    Don't know how much I am making sense at the moment so I am going to sigm off.

    Terina
    Terina Reynolds Always remember, "It's a good life if you don't weaken!" imageSeptember 11th, 2001 Anniversary Countdown Banner
  • CaseysAngelCaseysAngel Member Posts: 14,967
    I think it sounds fine to me honey!!!!!
    Christy http://everdaylittlethings.blogspot.com/ Cutters: Craft Robo, Cricut Expression, and the absolute BEST A BLACK CAT COUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • carterbkcarterbk Member Posts: 116
    Hello jtrranches,

    I think the letter sounds great. Good Luck!!!!

    I am offering a few suggestions to make the letter flow a little better.

    You are receiving this letter in hopes that you will be ever so generous and sponsor me in my effort to support my school. (Changed sponsor my school to support my school)

    If you donate $50 or more your name or business name will be included on the back of a t-shirt that we will be wearing during certain functions. (took out the word then where it said, "then your name or business....")

    The functions may include fund raisers.... (Changed Those funcitons to The functions)

    I have included a form my squad leader gave me with the non-profit tax ID # for you to use when you include the donation on your tax returns. (took out the word that where it said a form that my squad leader gave me) (took out the period and changed the rest of the sentence)

    I hope you don't mind, you asked for suggestions and I delivered. lol
  • GaTechGalGaTechGal Member Posts: 898
    I second all of carterbk's suggestions. The part that struck me most was the "sponsor" part. When I think Sponsor, then I usually think the kid is doing something like a walk-a-thon or something. Support is a much better word.
  • HappyCrafterHappyCrafter Member Posts: 2,663
    I'll throw in my two cents here. In the first paragraph, second sentence, I would list good grades, attendance, and teacher recommendations first, good writing skills in answering essay questions, and then hard work at learning dance and the cheers.

    Whenever we have donated to schools for this type of activity or sports, we want to make sure the student is a good student first then for whatever activity they are raising money for comes second.

    For whatever it's worth!
    As long as the bicycle wheels are still turning, life is good. Sharon in North Central Idaho
  • jtrranchesjtrranches Member Posts: 2,631
    Thank you everyone. I so appreciate all the help. This is a totally new thing for me to do. Usually we just do the typical drive around and sell whatever it is we are selling.

    THANK YOU all again.

    Terina
    Terina Reynolds Always remember, "It's a good life if you don't weaken!" imageSeptember 11th, 2001 Anniversary Countdown Banner
  • jtrranchesjtrranches Member Posts: 2,631
    I took everyones ideas and changed my letter. Thank you. I guess I didn't do bad of a job for typing it up at 1:30 AM.

    Terina
    Terina Reynolds Always remember, "It's a good life if you don't weaken!" imageSeptember 11th, 2001 Anniversary Countdown Banner
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